She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
