So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize