Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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