You really coming over, don't trick.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
