Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
