I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
