We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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