i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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