She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
