He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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