ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
