I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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