The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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