I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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