How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
