Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
