and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
