why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Do vagina's smell?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
