Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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