Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
