the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Randomize
