I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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