I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
