Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
