Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
