i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
