Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
