I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
