i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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