My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
