people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
