Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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