So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
if i died would you start the facebook group?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
