my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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