I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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