My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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