She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
