I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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