his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
