I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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