Little spoons don't ask big questions
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
