im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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