There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
