if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
