Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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