so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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