took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
