Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Randomize
