my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
