Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
