From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I see more hoeing in ur future
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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