You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Sponge bath it is.
She said her name was "party"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
