oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I need to stop coming to work sober
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
