i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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