He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize