i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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