I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
