Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
