Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
you had me at cake vodka
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
