Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
