I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
