Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
