I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
