What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize