Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
