I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
