barbara walters just said penis...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
