i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
