his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
