I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
