how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
