drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
